I’ve seen and heard the good, the bad, and the ugly when it comes to traditional roles and relationships in retirement.
As a result, I have assembled a collection of retirement wisdom from couples which includes a short list of things that men really need to know about this time and their transition.
I realize not all couples will fall into these situations, and in some cases, it may be the complete opposite.
Please understand that this is a very lopsided article that pokes fun at men and some common behaviors they can exhibit during retirement, i.e. don't take it personal.
It’s meant to be a fun way to talk about life in retirement and the importance of making sure this time together is a two-way street where both spouses benefit from all the work it took to get there.
Without further ado, here are my top five things men need to know about married life in retirement.
1) Efficiency isn’t always required
Guys, I know that you know the fastest way to the grocery store.
The path with fewest stops and traffic lights. I’m also well aware of your ability to organize and fix almost anything, even if it isn’t broke.
But somehow, while you were working, your spouse managed to get to the store and other places with her own route, put things in places so she can easily access them, and may like things they way they are, even if it’s not perfect.
In other words, keep your aspirations for efficiency to yourself and your own things. If you want to get to the grocery store faster, drive yourself.
Feel the need to transform something, do it with your own things and spaces, and finally, focus on fixing your own junk and finishing your own projects instead of others.
This will not only keep you busy but also from adding things tom the dreaded “Hunny do” list.
2) Get your own friends
Fellas, your spouse doesn’t want to be your social secretary.
She can’t and shouldn’t be in charge of your social life. Not doubt many wives facilitate outings with friends and family events, but you need to have a role here too.
Plus, I hate to tell you this, but some time apart is good for both of you.
It doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you – or that you’re in the process of being replaced - it just means she is growing tired of your political rants or visits to the refrigerator.
The reality is, if you give people space to do what they like, they are generally happier. So encourage her to spend time with others and pick up the phone and invite a buddy to something that gets you out of the house. Be it a car show, local sporting event, or pool, racquetball, or golf league.
PS – finding something to do on your own or with friends once a week isn’t enough – try for 3-4 times per week.
3) It’s not just your retirement
Gents, I know you have worked hard and scarified for your family, so let me lay this one on you gently.
That doesn’t end in retirement. Yes, I know you deserve a break and some time to just soak everything up as you transition into this next phase of life. But she does too.
She doesn’t just want to live your retirement. You guys got here together, as a 1-2 punch, and that trend needs to continue. Retirement isn’t just about you and once you live it like that, your relationship during this time will be transformed.
4) Turn off the TV
Just because you are retired, doesn’t automatically make you a political activist. And your ability to watch 4 or five political TV shows doesn’t generally increase your ability to convince others of your opinion.
So, if you want to keep your marriage strong, don’t start the lunch or dinner conversation with, “Did you hear what the senator from ___________ did?” Instead, ask, “Are there any new picture of the grand kids on Facebook today?”
That being said, if you truly want to make an impact politically, find a role in local government. There will always be someone to argue with or talk about government cover-ups.
5) Get out of the kitchen
Most people have heard of the freshman 15 where new college students gain extra weight thanks to the increased freedom, new routine, and less structure.
Well the same thing can happen to retirees io they aren’t careful as to how often the return to the kitchen when bored or not sure what to do.
While many people think they are going to eat healthier and start working out or exercising more in retirement, it doesn’t always go as planned, especially if they are already overweight or have turned to food in order to reduce stress.
Therefore, can avoid the retirement 15 by developing a schedule for meals, making sure healthy snack options are available, by establishing consistent sleep patterns, and walking is included in their regular routine.
While this is just a short, and somewhat lopsided list of things married men need to be aware of in retirement, the key to finding success together is good communication, a willingness to compromise, and having fun with the transition.
