As a multicertified career discovery coach, I often give clients exercises designed to uncover their passions, values and priorities in life.
One well-known exercise is called “The 80th Birthday Party,” in which my clients are asked to imagine themselves at their 80th birthday party and envision what they want people to say about them. Usually, people will want to be remembered for being a great spouse, parent or friend.
Therefore, this exercise will help to clarify values and priorities.
Last week, I had the opportunity to see this play out in real life, and it was such an impactful experience.
My friends Bill and Susie are retired and moving from the frigid north coast of Cleveland, Ohio, to a retirement community in central Florida.
My girlfriend Lou and I planned a going away party for them with just over 60 friends and neighbors in attendance.
After dinner but before cake, I suggested that whoever wanted to could share an impactful memory or something they appreciated about Bill and Susie.
One by one, nearly 20 different individuals stood up and shared how Bill and Susie made them feel and were there to offer support in a time of need.
These are the things that people remembered about Bill and Susie. They are likely the things people would remember about you, too.
What People Remembered:
• They made time to listen and be supportive of friends.
• They performed acts of kindness when others were in need, from clearing snow in a neighbor’s driveway to accompanying a friend to the hospital for surgery and making meals for others during times of great turmoil.
• They opened up their home regularly to offer hospitality, often hosting over 20 people on Thanksgiving, Easter, the Fourth of July and for the Super Bowl -- and they did this year in and year out.
• They created unique traditions, like having a Christmas reading party every year for 30-plus years.
• They made others feel welcomed and appreciated.
Some stated that they created a sense of home and were like adopted parents. Neighbors reported that it was nice to run into them on the street.
• They at times took others in who temporarily needed a place to stay.
There are a number of personal characteristics that were not mentioned as we all went around sharing about Bill and Susie. These are likely the things people won’t remember about you, either.
What People Didn’t Remember:
• The type of car they drove
• The size of their house
• The size of their bank account
• The ranks and titles they achieved in their jobs
• The number of college degrees they acquired
• The level of fame they achieved
If you’d like to be purposeful about the legacy you leave, follow these steps:
How To Leave A Legacy You’ll Be Proud Of
1. Define what you would like your legacy to be. If you were Bill and Susie at your going away party, what would you want people to say about you? Write down your aspirations in this area. Be very specific.
2. Make plans to live these aspirations out purposefully. It might mean saying yes when asked for help, it might mean planning events, it might mean just being aware and offering to be there when others have needs.
3. Consider how your annual goals line up with these aspirations to leave a legacy. If your goal is to work hard and earn as much money as possible, perhaps this conflicts with an aspiration you have in leaving a legacy -- is it more important to achieve greater wealth or to be there for family and friends?
4. Make any necessary adjustments so that your personal goals line up with the aspirations you have in leaving a legacy. Achieving greatness and wealth are not bad things to strive for -- it just becomes a problem if it interferes with your goals in leaving a legacy. Balance is the key.
Finally, never rest on your laurels, there is always room to aspire higher in leaving a legacy.
The day after the going away party, Susie shared that she wanted to consider how she can give more to the lonely, the people who really need to have others to reach out to them.
This is the true art of leaving a legacy of selflessness -- Susie didn’t walk away from the party thinking that she had arrived or that she was great. She walked away thinking, “What more can I do?”
