(Forbes) Coaching business professionals on their performance can take many forms. Sometimes, I help them fine-tune their schedules to maximize productivity during the times they feel most alert. Other times, we dive deep into what’s going on physically during moments of stress.
A client I was recently working with explained that when she feels challenged, questioned or stressed, her entire throat tenses, and when she speaks, her voice comes out shaky. As a result, we practiced breathing techniques and established tools she could use to refocus her attention, including shifting her perspective on the situation and connecting to her strengths.
Then, she shared with me that in the morning, she wakes up feeling calm, but as soon as she is up and drinking her coffee sitting on her couch at home, she begins to feel tense again.
It was a flash of insight. She was in the safety of her home — a space she was not pressured by anything other than the thoughts in her mind. We had to start there, with her thoughts. From my perspective, there is no doubt about it: Managing one’s mind is imperative to success. Below are some approaches I personally utilize and share with my clients:
Challenge the thought.
This is an important step for leaders to manage their minds for success. Knowing and being able to choose an interpretation that best suits the situation puts the leader in a strong position mentally to take on their day.
I believe how you interpret something impacts how you respond. Therefore, it's important to first review the flow of your thoughts. When you misread a situation, take something personally when it isn't personal or are tied to a false belief, everything you do next is based on assumptions and interpretations. It's not possible to always know what is true, but, from my perspective, you can still choose how you think about a situation. It's important to challenge your negative thoughts and avoid jumping to conclusions.
Consider this example: I was presenting to a group of executives, and one member of the group was not engaged in the presentation at all. I had thoroughly prepared myself to speak in front of this team, but I interpreted the disengaged member's actions to mean that I was conducting the presentation poorly. As a result, I felt worried and was thrown off, despite my extensive preparation.
However, knowing that I could challenge my thought and interpretation of the situation, I realized mid-way through the presentation that their behavior wasn't about me. Perhaps this individual had just come from a very tough conversation or was having a bad day. Knowing my negative thoughts were all in my head and that I didn't truly know the reason this person was disengaged, I chose to look at the situation differently.
In the book Learned Optimism, author Martin Seligman explains that the way we see things can pervade our entire life. He also shared the adversity, belief and consequence — or ABC — technique, which is designed to help you become more aware of your interpretations and their impact. Ideally, you’ll see that you have a choice on how you interpret various situations so you can then can pick a response that best supports you in your life.
I've found this technique helpful for myself and my clients. As a leader, you can apply it in the following way:
1. Pay attention to your negative beliefs. Don't worry yet about changing them; just become aware of them.
2. Now that you are consistently noticing your beliefs, think of a different belief that is equally true — but supports you in a positive way.
3. Then, start replacing the first negative belief with the supportive one.
This process will take time. In a previous article of mine, I wrote about the stages of learning. Recognize that for a while, you will likely be in the "conscious incompetence" stage: You'll know what you need to learn or practice but will be a bit unsure on how to start — and that's OK. With time, your ability to think positively about yourself will develop.
Stay in the present.
Going back to the opening example of my client drinking her coffee and getting anxious, she was thinking ahead to her day instead of noticing what was happening for her at that moment: the sun coming through the window, the smell of the coffee, the warmth of the mug in her hand. While anticipating her day, her worried thoughts translated to tension and stress in her body. This is an unnecessary strain and is not helpful to any leader, particularly in today's ever-increasing, fast-paced world.
In Eckhart Tolle’s book The Power of Now, Tolle guides readers on how to live in the present, rather than focusing on the past or future. The key is staying in the present, taking note of what is actually happening right now and simply being. It’s not so simple, in fact, it’s rather challenging.
Below are two tools I use with clients:
1. Wherever you are, notice five things you see, five things you feel, five things you hear and one thing you smell. Do this for one minute.
2. Focus on your breath. Aim for six breaths per minute to reduce your stress response. There are a variety of apps you can download to help you with this.
As you can see from the small sampling of tools above, the challenge of managing one’s mind is not new, yet it is indeed imperative to success.
If any of the above tools or resources caught your attention, take a few minutes right now to explore them further to see if they can be of use to you. If you already know these tools, consider taking a minute of your day right now to stop, sit still and simply "be" for the next minute.
